That's Stay at Home Mom, for the uninitiated. A week from today the babies start daycare. A week after that I start back to work. Today is my last Monday home with them (until Presidents Day, but that's not the same). I can't even say I have mixed feelings about this. I am 100% dreading going back to work and being gone from them for 12 hours a day. I wish I could immediately start freelancing from home while watching the kids, but that's not in the cards quite yet. Hopefully in the next year or so, but right now I'll be working for our amazing health insurance and other benefits my employer offers.
I know the kids will be fine at daycare, that it will be good for them to get to "know" other adults and babies, that they will probably get more tummy time and new ways to play, etc etc. But knowing isn't the same as liking. I fully expect to tear up a little, both next week and the week I go back to work. Which reminds me, I need to print out some pictures to put at my desk. Luckily my boss is letting me start back at reduced hours that first week, so that should help.
As should my massage and hair appointment I have scheduled for next week. Part of me is looking forward to having a week at home to veg, to go out without babies in tow, to have a few hours a day where I am not always thinking about the babies' needs. I was supposed to have three weeks of bedrest before they came and only had one, so I see this as a bit of a continuation of that. Hard to believe it's been almost 15 weeks since I was at work, since that cab ride through Times Square (stupid cabbie!) when I said goodbye to the city for the next few months. It has both felt like forever, a lifetime ago, and like a blink of an eye. Funny how that happens.
I guess all this is just to prepare you for any wacky, overly emotional posts that might result from all of this change. I know millions of moms have gone through this exact scenario and survived, but now it's my turn, and so it feels completely unique and terrible. Indulge me for a bit, please.